


Shine for Me.

by vilechamomile



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, M/M, Reincarnation, i didnt know making tags was so fun, i should be studying rn, someone will die lol, sue me, when your bros dont remember you, ya'll know i dont have a heart so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-19 22:29:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20217313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vilechamomile/pseuds/vilechamomile
Summary: Hui remembers too much but not too little for him to not succeed this time around.





	Shine for Me.

When Hwitaek closes his eyes, he would feel the indescribable sensation of being on stage. Bright lights illuminated his face, and even so, he turned his head to look at the ones that stood with him. They all wore bright and congratulatory smiles, faces instantly becoming a blur, they said words his ears can no longer hear and gave him hugs that his body happily melt into.

Everything felt right, but there was always that nagging feeling that turned his happy memoir.

Lee Hwitaek, at the ripe age of 18, newly turned adult had realized a few things about his memories. The first realization happened when he looked outside the bus window and spotted the messiest mop of hair since the day he escaped the dreaded bowl cut, his mother was cross about his constant fussiness but gave up the moment he turned fourteen.

The person looked younger, dimples etched into the sides of his mouth and a brightly bleached birds nest that sat atop. He was hurrying, tightly clutching a beaten-up book bag, before sliding right beside the bus he was currently in. It was noisy as the doors closed and as the other scuttled his way through, and only when the vacant seat was occupied, was when Hwitaek turned his head and was met with a tired gaze.

“You okay? You look like you were running a marathon out there.” He feels his mouth move, as if it had waited for that last 18 years for the strange man’s arrival, and this causes the other to raise a brow in judgement.

“No shit was I running a marathon,” they whispered, thinking that Hwitaek couldn’t hear them over the noise that circulated the bus. Their breath went out with huffs filled with exhaustion, they shifted their eyes towards the bandages that coated his fingers, and probably gathering an ounce of decency to reply, started off by letting out a low whistle.

“And you look like you got into a fight.”

The strangers assumption was half-right but not necessarily correct. The suspicious bandages that were wrapped around his fingers was a solution of protecting him from inflicting any further harm. Towards a piano that is, Hwitaek shook his head and prompted to stuff his hands underneath his sweater out of guilty conscience.

“It wasn’t a fight, it was an accident that’s all.” Hwitaek replies with the lie.

The stranger takes the lie with a nod of understanding, their face was clearly commenting that the answer was unconvincing. A brief silence then passed between the two, the only distinct conversation in the bus were a pair of grandmothers by the front, they were talking about how grandchildren grew too quickly. And as the conversation drowns into the background, when Hwitaek puts his mind to it, this reminds him of something.

_“Have you ever thought of grandchildren?”_

_Someone sat across from him, only a blurry face filled his eyes, but their wrinkled hands were clamped around his own. It was a comforting touch, loving even, and he felt his own mouth tilt upwards at the gesture._

_“When have I haven’t thought about grandchildren,” Hwitaek hears himself give out a dreamy sigh._

_“I didn’t know life as a retired musician was so boring, the girls haven’t been updating us about their love life nor their plans about having kids, so I’m stuck here dreaming about potential grandchildren,” He feels his hands being guided towards the others face, instantly feeling a loving kiss which makes his hands warmer than it already was._

_“Aren’t you happy that you’re stuck with me though?”_

_This makes Hwitaek feel the butterflies erupt in his stomach. He was feeling euphoria and the warmth that has peaked its way through the roof, unfamiliar but so real. It felt like he was dreaming within the memory._

_“In your dreams Hyo, in your dreams,”_

_Hwitaek feels himself laugh in delight at the cheesiness._

The memory fizzles out of existence, leaving Hwitaek dazed and confused.

“Hyojong?” His lips move again, and instead of being ignored, the stranger immediately turns toward the name that leaves him. Their eyes had become calculating, cautious to say the least, and instead settled on a disturbed kind of expression.

“How do you know my name?”

The question leaves Hwitaek breathless and unmoving.

The strangers name is Kim Hyojong. A young man with dimples that caved in when he smiled, and someone that believes his hair was meant to be bleached. Hyojong, his partner in crime and a fellow trainee at Cube Entertainment, but there were other memories that said something more or less than what he can already guess.

Hwitaek defensively pointed at the barely readable bag tag. “That’s your name on the tag right?”

Hyojong flickered his eyes to the tag, unconsciously letting out a sigh of relief, before shifting his bag away from him. The expression on the other was unreadable at best, but as Hwitaek looked more, he realized that he didn’t feel bothered nor uncomfortable, because it felt right for once. He could tell what Hyojong was feeling, and he wanted to or not, his mouth was ready to site anything from mannerisms to the dreams they both reached so desperately for.

Hwitaek wanted to cry.

He remembers but Hyojong doesn’t seem to.

The more he backtracks to early encounters, Hwitaek has in fact met everyone, but they don’t remember him either. 

Hongseok was studying in America, he met him when they were neighbors back then. Jinho was pursuing his career as a musical actor. God knows where Yuto and YanAn were, knowing Wooseok, the bright freshman was probably taking them a tour around the whole campus. Hyunggu and Shinwon were spending their days in the hospital downtown, Hwitaek had met Shinwon when they were taking the entrance exams and the topic of Hyunggu eventually went up.

And as if the exchange didn’t happen, Hwitaek leant back into his seat and looked out the window.

-

The encounter with Hyojong awakened a new set of memories.

Hwitaek would often wake up on the quietest nights, tears would flow freely and he’d release a strangled cry in anguish. He would bury his face in his hands and sob his way through the rest of the night until the sign of daylight would arrive. Pain was nothing but a part of living, and Hwitaek had to live with this pain.

It was the pain of being reincarnated, only to live and meet them all over again, but to die with no happy conclusion.

The memories were horrible, it hurt him in ways he thought weren’t scientifically possible.

They clawed its way up to his eyes and mouth, his body reacting by crying and letting out cries of so many emotions. It hurt him in a way of his lungs burning and the way his heart tightened to give chest pains. It hurt, but Hwitaek wasn’t given the luxury of telling anyone. He could tell, from his memories to current agendas, that he wasn’t given a chance in a very very long time.

What’s the point of telling someone; when it would always end in more pain. That’s what he would tell himself, but the human desire to look for comfort was a strong ongoing reminder that spoke through the pain.

Why doesn’t he flat out confess about reincarnation and memories to his past friends? Maybe they’d take it better than him.

Deep down Hwitaek knew they weren’t ready, when his friends had better lives and a better ending. It would be useless to convince someone to go on an unsure path towards a dream they have all desperately reached in countless times of past. It was useless, but there was always the option of him going to the dream himself, but it didn’t feel right enough for him to act upon it.

_“Eh Hwitaek-hyung you’re going to the studio again?” Hyunggu was asking, a frown evident on his face. In response to the question, he shook the box of belongings in his arms._

_“I’m planning on putting the finishing touches,” he replied with a small smile. “I want to make my studio a place where I’ll make the greatest songs for the group, and for us to skyrocket towards the top.”_

_“I want that too, but please take it easy okay? I’m sorry if I won’t be able to join today. Fighting hyung! Oh yeah, the others and I will be heading back so do call us when you’re on your way home.” Hyunggu waved his cell, before slipping behind the glass door, leaving Hwitaek to stand in thought. _

_The young man was dedicated like him, to the point where he’d often stay with him in composing. Hwitaek wouldn’t doubt that he was meant for the spotlight. While he… Hwitaek decides to ignore it and proceeds to go to his studio._

_As soon as he got there, he pulls out a small notebook and began to write._

_‘Year XXXX_

_It’s been a month since Hyojong left. I can feel the gap in my widening, the pain is immense this time around. There’s little time to achieve the happiest ending. Though maybe decisions were supposed to be done better in this lifetime, then there would’ve been a different outcome. But we both know, to you who is me in the future and me who’s here in the past, that there’s no turning back time, and the only choice we seem to ever have is to live it._

_The loop is getting bigger, don’t know when this lifetime is going to end._

_I hope I can reach my dreams with everyone in the future. It’s incomplete when one has left, so please make your choices right._

_To the one in the future who will experience this pain._

_From yours truly,_  
_Lee Hwitaek’_

The pain is becoming worse. Hwitaek could tell by just placing his hand over the place where his heart is. The more he listens to his heartbeat and dry sobs, the more he realizes that the beat is weakening. It weakens until it’s hardly there, and the only thing in the room that was heard were his silent cries of help.

_‘Year XXXX,___

_I don’t know what I did to go through this loop. One’s heart can only take so much before breaking down, but the process is slow, too slow in all reality. The pain is still there, lurking like a tiger and pouncing the more I remember, it hurts so much, and I don’t know how to fix it._

_I’ve tried countless years, endless years of trying to achieve the ending. It’s an ending that all of us, all versions of yourself, have tried to achieve but has failed miserably in countless attempts but the same cause of death._

_When you start digging into your memories, the more you remember, the more the tiger will attack._

_The early stages start with the rare constrictions, until it worsens to the unholy heart attacks. The pain will worsen to the next lifetime and over, carried over like it was some sort of family tradition._

_But I fear that in my future lifetime, that the pain will become nothing but a daily occurrence._

_Until it suddenly stops beating the moment the tiger has struck with its jaws._

_From yours truly,_  
_Lee Hwitaek’_

_ _Hwitaek knew that he was going to die one day, but continues to dig deeper into his memories, and with the more he remembers, the nearer his due date has gotten. He can already feel it, the tiger has opened its jaws and was ready to strike at any moment._ _

_ _If pain was nothing but a daily occurence to him, then it meant his life was nearing its peak._ _

_ _And by some miracle, Hwitaek knew what to do now._ _

_ _-_ _

_ _Hyojong ran to the bus stop, sweat ran down his forehead out of annoyance, but this pushed themselves to run even faster. Their book bag was falling apart as they ran, but that didn’t stop him from almost running into someone. When they turn around to mutter apologies, they were met with a familiar face from a few days before._ _

_ _The other seemed to have already been waiting, their sling bag signaled that they were going somewhere important, but the previous conversation makes his stomach churn with distaste and so he thinks of the most likely sentence to say in the situation._ _

_ _“Sorry about last time, must’ve gotten the both of us on the wrong foot.” They offered their hand towards him, Hyojong notes the lack of bandages replaced with scars and reluctantly shakes it._ _

_ _“Um, yeah,” he mutters. He didn’t really know what to say to such a confusing person. “I’m just going to, ugh, this may be rude but,”_ _

_ _“Have I met you before whatever happened in that bus?” His voice becomes heavy, it changes into one that’s laced with regret and forlorn longing. Because of the sudden change, Hyojong feels something start to unravel at the back of his mind, but somehow he knew that he had nothing to fear when he stares at the stranger in front of him. He knew something, but he just can't seem to put his finger on it._ _

_ _It was like the universe opened the greatest opportunity given to them, and with a breathtaking smile, they spoke--_ _

_ _“Does my name Lee Hwitaek sound familiar?”_ _

_ _And as if everything clicked into place and as memories flooded into his head, a smile breaks into his confused face._ _

_ _“Yeah, yeah it does.”_ _

**Author's Note:**

> hi yeisha here, posted this cus inspiration is playing w me n i desperately want to publish smthn. this will probably consist of various parts. also fading seasons, which is aging in my attic, might be posted this year, tho im not too sure abt that tbh.  
follow me on @pentadragonss on twt and scream at me if u want, i appreciate all the feedback uwu  
have a great day n thank u for reading !!!1!!1!


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